If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
