ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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