Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
