from now on my penis is your penis
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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