I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
