to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
