in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
