i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
