You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
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