...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
