So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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