S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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