4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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