i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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