so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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