Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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