ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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