Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
