so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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