Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
