I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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