just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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