You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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