apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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