he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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