We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
