Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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