there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
