The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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