Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
