I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
