I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
