If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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