D3 body, D1 cock
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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