He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
