yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
