Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
