we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
