I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
