...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
