Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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