He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
