You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
