Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
