i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
