You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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