Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
