I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i dont even know how to be here
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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