so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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