I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
