Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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